May 15 2009
Feeling Small
Ever have one of those days when you feel like the world has conspired to “dump” on you, and you couldn’t get any lower if you tried? I was having one of those days today; feeling like nobody really needs me anymore, and what’s the point of the whole thing anyhow!
Then I stopped by to visit a friend (the one who does my hair when I’m too lazy to do it myself). She’s a single mom, with a teenage son. She runs a beauty shop, drives a school bus, and keeps up with everything going on in the town (since we don’t have a bar ~ she’s the one everybody tells their troubles to).
So when I said, “Hey, what’s up today?”, she told me she just found out she had breast cancer ~ in both of them. Now, normally, I’m not a crying type of person, but since I was feeling sorry for myself today anyhow, this hit me pretty hard. I hugged her and started to bawl like a baby ~ my troubles all forgotten in a flash.
My niece had breast cancer and came through it just fine, and I know there are many other women who have had the same terrible thing happen, and have survived. With all the new technology and medical discoveries, I’m sure this lady will be another one who makes it.
So, was I crying for her today, or for myself? I know she’s going to be going thru a lot of changes, and I volunteered my help if she needs it. But was I getting involved in her upcoming battle to make her feel better, or to give myself a reason to feel needed? I suppose it really doesn’t matter, as both of us would benefit in some way from the exchange.
So as I sit here today, writing about the experience, I realize that there are times when everyone gets that small feeling ~ like we’re not that terribly important in the larger scheme of things. Maybe I can be of help to her, while at the same time giving myself a reason to be. That’s really what it’s all about.
“What we have done for ourselves alone dies with us; what we have done for others and the world remains and is immortal.” (Albert Pike)
Awesome! Such insight!
This week one of my drug court participants had the most awful toothache, and as expected, no money or insurance. I was able to find a dentist with a heart who pulled the tooth for free. Now why have I gone about doing that for all these years? I would like to think I am just such a good soul, but I know that my chosen path to help others at some level stems from a deep-seated need to be needed and the feelin’ good that comes from it. There is a psych theory out there, Rogerian I think, that says no one does anything unless it benefits them in some way, i.e., makes them feel good, something in return, looks good, etc. I buy that theory! Not to say people don’t do kind, generous, selfless things for all the right reasons, but on some level there is a ‘payback’ or they would not keep doing it - now that is where I really sit ‘behaviorialist’.
My participant left me a phone message of thanks that made me cry because the underlying message was “I never thought anyone would do something for me, a no-good addict.” Yep, fed my need. BTW Missy, I need you , so just don’t forget that :O) Thanks for hearing out my theory of why we do what we do and why if we motivate our children, ourselves, and others positively (make them feel good in appropriate ways for appropriate behaviors) our world will be a better place . . . you make it a better place you know?